i'm sitting in my living room with my spoilt aircon on, lights bright as day and television off. zee avi is playing in the background, as i rip its contents into my aging lappy so that i can rip it for hamster later. if you haven't heard of her, you should on youtube. i listened to her as i did my fyp earlier this year (can you believe it's september already?). good listening.

how was YOG? it was largely good, i must say, and a success. what was rewarding for me was seeing the athletes' look of surprise as they folded the origami at the different stages, and the sense of satisfaction they got after they have completed a crane, a heart of a star and dropped it into our large structure. and how the volunteers bonded together, encouraged janet and i, volunteered to come for more slots ''in case you need people'', and expressed that they enjoyed themselves and are glad for the opportunity to be a part of the games.

i know there are many criticisms about the games, but i will tell you that if you were there, if you had seen these young athletes and heard how they believed very much in their dreams, if you had seen those in my booth enjoying the activity of folding origamis, if you had seen how the YOG has opened up the world to many local school children, who were made to host booths about a foreign country to even more foreign young people just like them...if you could just see the intangible reapings of the games and the friendships formed, then perhaps you'd agree with me that it is truly, all worth it.

it's been almost a week since the YOG ended, and a day since i officially became unemployed. (side: my vlc player just hung, making my poor zee go ''of of of of of of--'' because the player just would not let her move on with her lyrics) i woke up at the usual wake-up time today, wide awake and feeling extremely bored already. so i had lunch with some yor friends, and afterward went cycling at east coast park with hamster, who took half day leave. yes friends, i can finally cycle! though i still have my whoawhee moments when i'm on the bicycle.

as i rode, teetering, swerving left and right, using all my arm muscles to balance myself while trying to relax, i thought that riding a bicycle is like journeying through life. (for me at least,) there'll never be a long, extended time where the bicycle will go straight, the bars horizontal, and where the rider doesn't have to do a single thing but glide. the 2-wheeler will always go left a little, right a little, sometimes doing a snake dance, while the rider reacts to the change in balance and turns the bars to counter the 'unbalance'. and that's like life, right? always full of little bumps along the way, and we're always reacting to the world around us, turning our bars (sending an apology email for a blooper you made at work, for example) to balance ourselves, make the journey as 'normal' as it was...as if returning things to equilibrium. we're always trying to keep status quo (unless status quo is very terrible), trying to make the ride as stable as we can. and it's not wrong, it's normal. otherwise your bicycle, or your life, will go helter-skelter and you'll land up crashing into the lamp post by the lane or into the rollerblader coming in the opposite direction. but what's important is recognising that you can't avoid ups and downs (or lefts and rights) in life. life is fluid. you gotta take it in your stride and just react, believing that--and this is the ding ding ding part--you can get back in balance again, with just a turn of the bar.

but who holds the handles of your bicycle bar?

in real life, when you're physically on your bicycle, of course you la, otherwise sure chia toh in a few seconds flat. for normal people anyway. but hamster my shifu said, ''cycle is butt pain ah, not hand pain''. but boy do my arms hurt after cycling today. cos i was gripping too tightly when i should be relaxing. i was afraid to fall, and i knew how to not fall, which is to turn my bars. but i realised now that it's more than gripping the handlebars tight; it's about looking ahead on the path, focusing on what i'm doing even when hamster's talking to me (he's such a great teacher, though!), AND trusting that God is there to keep me steady on my bicycle, even during those snake dancing moments. and i realised that this formula worked! soon i was gaining more confidence to ride my 2 wheeler (not 3 or 4 ah, i never cheat), and was actually getting better and better. i was enjoying the ride more, and could even manage a smile, which strangely works for me as well. my hands were still cramped in that one-finger-on-brake position, but my butt started to hurt and i felt more relaxed, so i think i got it right somewhere. i was no longer afraid of oncoming bladers or cyclists (had to brake everytime i see them, before that), and just looked ahead, knowing in my heart that God is there watching over me, not preventing falls but giving me the strength and fast-reaction-cells to turn my bars when i'm leaning off balance.

so who was holding my handlebars? i was, just like all of us. we have control over our lives. (back to my bicycle-life theory) i don't think we're called to have a hands-off, watch the world go by kind of life. i think we're called to take control of our lives, steering them ahead in the paths marked out for us, with God as our guide and having faith that He will provide the strength and direction/balancing reaction we need. only then will we be able to go through life with more confidence, and maybe even enjoy the ride too, despite the unstable moments.

you think?